In the past 15 years, Jan Gerber and Sebastian Lütgert downloaded more than 20,000 movies. Since they couldn't watch them all, they started a cinema, launched an online database, wrote a media archive framework, and traveled around the world. In their lecture Autonomous Pirate Machinery, they share some of the lessons they learned in the process: about the benefits of autonomous networks, the promises and pitfalls of parasitic collaboration, the archive as a failed state of preservation, and the many futures of cinema that the copyright regime hasn't managed to suppress. The machines also learned their lessons, so the list wouldn't be complete without some Generative Adversarial Piracy: a proposal for the practical critique of Artificial Intelligence through an ever-growing corpus of downloaded films.